What I got out of my wanderings into the wonderings of what is g0y is essentially the following points:
1) That ever man has, to some degree, affections towards other men.
2) That anal-sex is evil (either M-M or M-F).
3) That society is pushing a narrow-minded view of what being gay is.
I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion and belief, including what they consensually do behind closed doors (provided it is not illegal or discriminating against others), so if I may agree on any of their other points, I don’t agree on their view of anal-sex.
As research has shown that male-to-male bonding happens in nature, not just homo sapiens, so to has it shown that anal-sex happens elsewhere in nature. Anal-sex has also been around for centuries, and nothing new. During one of Western Europe’s most enlightening periods it was a common act. Mind you, during the Greco-Roman Empire women were not people, and slaves were common place. I do not say we revert to all that, but one should not say that because we have abolished slavery and recognized not only women, but those of different races, as people, that we should abolish anal-sex. Now I could go on, but essentially if all parties consent, then who am I to say that one can not be the slave of another, or have anal-sex.
The other two points I have mentioned I agree with what I read on the g0y site. Though I think I can sum up the problems of both in a single question: Why must we label everything?
By labelling we start to make assumptions, a label becomes a logo, brand, or icon for an idea, movement, or concept, one that is usually more complicated than the label gives credit.
When I was coming to terms with my sexuality (what many people would label ‘coming out’, but before that I was not sexually interested in either sex, though I was attracted to both), I soon discovered that many people who label themselves as gay are afraid of those that label themselves as bi. This, I found, lead to many saying “bi is the place where gay people are still in denial.” How comforting is this to a man who likes to be in the company of other men, they get the sexual energy, and might even do something with another man, but ultimately will go home and be with his wife? Gay people who say they believe that bi is only a resting point before discovering one is truly gay, are almost as narrow minded as the Religious ones who condone homosexuality in any form.
Now I know not all gay people are like this, but in the ‘gay world’ it is prevalent. Now by ‘gay world’ I mean the clubs and bars and places where society sees gay people congregate. And that only adds to the perceptions, as media love to give only what they deem to be news worthy and easy for the public to understand, so they tend to focus on the stereotypes.
For me, after a few months of talking with friends, and exploring some of my sexuality, I came to a point that I believed I was between bi and gay; as I viewed sexuality as a spectrum. Since that point I have clarified my definition of the sexuality spectrum, and show it below:
- Pure Heterosexuality: is by which a person only has feeling for the opposite sex, they are indifferent to others of the same sex.
- Pure Homosexuality: is by which a person only has feeling for others of the same sex, and are indifferent to others of the opposite sex.
- Bisexual: is by which a person is capable of having the same level of feelings for either sex.
* The meaning of indifference in this context: that the person would only have basic human compassion for the other they are indifferent to, they would not normally socialize with them, and have absolutely no romantic interest.
By my definition, I do not know anyone that is purely heterosexual (most straight men I know have male friends), though for purely homosexual people I know, I am not sure, but probably most of my gay friends have at least one female friend. Therefore everyone is somewhere in the middle. And I sit between bi and gay.
The world’s fixation on labels make it difficult for me to answer the question “are you gay?” when asked (though that question in itself should not necessarily need to be asked), or when telling someone I am dating my ‘sexual preference.’ This is because as soon as I mention bi, most people react with fear – like I would leave them for the next person that comes in the door, or that I am indecisive. And few I have talked with grasp the concept of the sexuality spectrum, wanting me to define, or label myself: “so are you bi or gay?”
Each of these terms, bi and gay, have their own stereotypes. I have mentioned the prominent one of bisexual already. I have found that if I say I am gay, quite often a follow-up question is: “you a bottom or a top?”
Now if you think it was difficult for me to answer: “are you bi or gay?” It is even more difficult to answer “are you a bottom or a top?” – needless to say I have not had much experience either way to label myself, including using the label of ‘versatile’.
The mere fact that the question: “are you a bottom or a top?” is generally a early follow up to identifying oneself as being gay (or sometimes even bi), proves a partial point of g0y: that to be gay one must identify with having anal-sex.
From what little I read it looks like g0y is just pushing more of this narrow-mindedness of labelization of society. It is unfortunate that being gay has the connotations of full on male to male sexual relationship, including the act of anal intercourse.
It is also sad to see people who claim to be open-minded and accepting of others to make others define themselves to societal labels, and then impose society’s stereotype of that label on them.
But I guess in our ever increasing, fast-paced, corporate society we are all looking for the least number of words to say the most about either ourselves, others, or the world around us.
I may label myself, and depending on the day that label is different.
I try not to label myself by my profession, though I do under certain circumstances. If I label myself based on my interests and hobbies (creative writing, quilting, chainmail), I usually use the generic ‘artist’
When needing to label myself sexually, I have tended to jump back and forth between a few: gay, as it is the most common, and requires the least discussion about; bi, when I want another to know that I am still attracted to women (though it tends not to be overly sexual); and most recently queer. Part of why I find it difficult to label myself sexually is that I am much more attracted to a person’s spirit, personality, and intelligence, rather than their looks. That does not mean I’m not attracted to the way people look, just that to have a long term relationship (friendship or committed romantic relationship), there must be some form of attraction on that deeper level. This is partly why I consider my self queer…
And so I am slowly taking on Queer as my label of choice, because it not only defines my sexuality, but aspects of my personality too.
From The Oxford Handy Dictionary (© 1978, Sixth Edition reprinted 1987):
queer
a., v., & n. 1. a. Strange, odd, eccentric; of questionable character, shady, suspect; out of sorts, giddy or faint, (feeling queer); (sl., esp. of man) homosexual. 2. v.t. (sl.) Put out or order. 3. n. (sl.) (Esp. male) homosexual. [orig. uncert.]
And I am definitely a strange, odd, and eccentric person.
Wow, deep. I'm not even sure how to comment in this small form. I do believe in the spectrum sliding scale....and it even fluctuates depending on one's time of life, situation, and attractions (oh, and how much they've had to drink too!). I continue, on a daily basis, to skip the labels, the insinuations, the names. It just doesn't matter to me. I have wonderfully straight and handsome straight friends that are more "gay" to me than "straight." And the other way around. Queer is good phrase for me too, considering that I think I truly am! But one thing that I can be fairly sure about, quite sure in fact, is that I am not 100% heterosexual, by any means. That, my friend, I am positive about.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteWell I do identify with the g0y movement, so hopefully I can clear up a few things about the g0y thing. Firstly, I do agree with you, the site is a little to flashy, which makes it hard to navigate, so I can understand that you would just skim the site.
The three conclusions you drew were in some sense accurate. The g0y movement does argue that most guys have some degree of affection towards other men (but defiantly not all). Anal sex is not practiced by g0ys for a number of reasons (personally, for myself I have never had any desire to engage in anal sex). And yes, the image that the gay community has created that is associated with same sex attraction is a narrow minded view. The one major point people tend to skim over with the g0y movement is the emphasis on the kind of relationships it advocates. G0ys are looking for relationships with other guys built around friendship rather than sex, and the main goal of a relationship is about true intimacy over just sex.
You raise a good point though, why must we label everything? I really think we do this since we all want a collective identity with others, since we seem to be social animals. For instance, you yourself are leaning towards the label of queer since it fits you the best. Mind you, people shouldn’t be forced into labels.
I have observed the "bi is really a gay in hiding" all too often as well, so I understand where you are coming from there. The g0y movement tends to look at sexuality through the Kinsey Scale; similar to the one you have one your blog. G0Ys tend to get the same reaction as most people who consider themselves bi, that they are just gays in hiding.
Now about your view that g0ys are pushing narrow-minded labels on to people I actually would not argue with that, since indeed the label does box people in. However, at the same time, boxing yourself into a label does help you identify with similar people as yourself. On top of that, the g0y label is not much different from any other label like the ones you rather identify with "artist" or "queer".
Sexuality and labels has become quite complicated and complex, for instance there is bisexual, gay, queer, two-spirited, pansexual, asexual, now g0y, etc. However, at the same time with all these pushy labels, in a way they can be quite liberating for people (if you can identify with one). Since think about how hard, it was in the past when you could identify either as only gay or straight, as you have mentioned.